session 3, once a young girl

Barbie dolls and hair bows
That’s what I dreamed it’d be
Instead innocence and security
Was ripped away from me
Young girl turned quick
Delicate skin forced thick


Hesitant to talk about it
No one else ever did
Shit like this should never happen to a kid
Where do I start
How do I begin
I trusted this guy
And maybe that’s why kids are such a target because who don’t we trust


On my back I lay still
Hoping my silent screams
Reached the ears of anyone willing to listen
Because this can’t be right
This can’t be the way I learn about love
This can’t be how I learn about intimacy


His pants have come down now
And his penis is exposed
I am one step closer to intimacy issues
I am one step closer to never fully trusting a man
I am one step closer to the misunderstood adult that I didn’t know I’d grow up to be
I am one step closer to the depression that leaves me in the same position I was in when this all took place
On my back, I lay still


Penetration came next
Is this considered sex
Am I supposed to be this scared
The sound of my suppressed tears must’ve been loud
Because I looked up and saw my mother standing there
The words “save me” fled from my closed lips
The pair on my face and between my legs


She had done her part
She showed up
Wiped her daughter from front to back
But there was no conversation
Just hesitation, hugs, tears, her breast cancer, and then her death
The first of many bags I’d learn to carry alone


Barbie dolls and hair bows
That’s what I dreamed it’d be
Instead innocence and security
Was ripped away from me
Young girl turned quick
Delicate skin forced thick

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