Once A Young Girl

Barbie dolls and hair bows

That’s what I dreamed it’d be

Instead innocence and security

Was ripped away from me

Young girl turned quick

Delicate skin forced thick

Hesitant to talk about it

No one else ever did

Shit like this shouldn’t happen to a kid

Where do I start

How do I begin

I trusted this guy

Because who wouldn’t trust a family friend

On my back I lay still

Hoping my silent screams

Reached the ears of anyone willing to listen

Because this can’t be right

This can’t be the way I learn about love

This can’t be how I learn about intimacy

His pants have come down

And now his penis is exposed

I am one step closer to intimacy issues

I am one step closer to never fully trusting a man

I am one step closer to the battered soul I’d soon claim to be mine

I am one step closer to depression that leaves me in the same position I was in when this all took place

On my back I lay still

Penetration came next

Is this considered sex

Am I supposed to be this scared

The sound of my suppressed tears must’ve been loud

Because I looked up and saw my mother standing there

The words “save me” fled from my closed lips

The ones on my face and in between my legs

She did her part

She showed up

Wiped her daughter front to back

But there was no conversation

Just hesitation, hugs, tears, her breast cancer, and then her death

The first of many bags I’d learn to carry alone

Barbie dolls and hair bows

That’s what I dreamed it’d be

Instead innocence and security

Was ripped away from me

Young girl turned quick

Delicate skin forced thick