May is Mental Health Awareness month and after coming across the journal I kept while being a resident of Compass Behavioral Health, almost three years ago, I’ve decided to share something.
I’ve never been hesitant to talk about me being in that place but I have been hesitant about talking about what went on in that place. The things I, as well as others experienced was just something I didn’t want to talk about. I used to think places like this were for the betterment of people like me-and while not everyone was horrible-I just don’t think that anymore.
This is a picture of my day 5 journal entry. ✍🏾
Here’s an excerpt,
“Speaking of writing, I was given the task of writing an inspiration quote on the whiteboard every morning. That gave me sooo much joy. Did they know I loved to write?”
I was still the new kid.
But for a moment I was on top of the world because even when I was at my lowest, people still wanted to hear what I had to say.
And I had written down quotes I thought of in preparation of writing them on the board every morning. Because ya know being prepared on a three meals a day/ forced interaction/ cigarette breaks kept me sane type schedule got me a fresh pair of socks 😉
And there was this one particular quote I created which was, “choosing to display your art even when it’s messy and colored outside the lines is such a beautiful thing to do. Replace the word “art” with “self” and I’d feel the exact same way.”
And when I went to erase it one of the other patients (who I by the way butted heads with on like my 2nd day there) asked me to wait a second and I looked down at what he was doing and why he wanted me to wait— well folks, he was writing my quote down. He wanted to remember my words.
Now he checked out of there before I did and I have no clue where he is or if he still carries around that piece of paper he wrote my words down on— BUT in that moment I told myself, “WRITING IS WHAT YOU WERE MEANT TO DO”
I’ve become okay with not being okay.
Because it is in fact okay to not be okay..
I just want people to know that when you find what you are passionate about-LET NO ONE try and convince you otherwise.
I don’t give a damn about popularity and likes and yadda yadda blah 😑
If it makes you happy, keep doing it.
People who truly love and support you will see the way you smile when you do the things you love and in return they’ll be all you ever need to just keep swimming.
Just keep swimming friends.
Until next time-keep writing ✍🏾🥀🖤