As Mental Health Awareness Month is coming to an end…

I pride myself on being an amazing mother, partner, family member, friend, human being etc.-and here’s why…

There was a point in my life where I was more angry than sad. I was sad because I was so depressed and i was angry because I truly felt like no one gave a shit. So much so that I tried to take my own life (this was years ago) and I wrote a suicide note, and turns out I kept it.
I’ll be honest I didn’t even know I kept it until I stumbled upon it yesterday digging through old journals.

And so I sat down and read it- I bawled. Y’all, I was so angry back then.
It broke my heart to read a letter I left behind for people who knew me and yet it was filled with so much anger and then there was part for Kannen and I told him that despite what anyone tried to tell him, his momma loved him.

Reading a note that was telling my son goodbye- whew, that hit different and it just…
It just really broke my heart.

My point being that as #mentalhealthawarenessmonth comes to an end, I want my family, my friends, other human beings, etc. – I just want you to know I care, I’ll always care- even when I say I don’t…I do.

I will be your vault, your shoulder to cry on, your person, your safe space-I will be what you need in the moment you need it the most.

It’s important that we remind those that we love just how much we love them.
You never know what people are going through.

I love you guys with everything I have and then some.

✨🖤✨

seven.

on monday, i retraced the steps that led you to me, and daydreamed into the night

on tuesday, the sun rose and set, all without the slightest movement from the sky

on wednesday, i found and dusted off old pictures of myself when i was young

on thursday, my depression dressed up and convinced me that when it came to friends, i had none

on friday, you held me tightly in your arms, forcing my anxiety into submission

on saturday, I stared in awe of what you are, so rare, a very limited edition

and on sunday, we sat in silence, and comforted each other’s tears, tears that fell for no other reason but to empty and make room for all that came packaged with the next seven days…

Just in case

Hiding this heavy heart proves more difficult with each day

Laughter, in fact, does NOT cure all

I’m preparing for pain even though I’ve yet to be hurt

Like clockwork my mind works, nonstop all day

Under and overwhelmed

In and exhale

Don’t forget to breathe

Don’t leave

Please

It is easy to jump from A to Z when everything in between makes no sense

Body aches from pain that settled into my bones weeks ago, I am past tense

On the fence between two feelings, seems there is in fact a thin line between love and hate

Forever turned into never, infinity right side up, I am nothing but your number eight

And just in case you understood this, and even if you don’t

I looked into your eyes to try and change your mind but it looks like it won’t

I am running out of moves for this dance we do and I have no clue on what is next

Just in case I don’t finish first, just know I tried my best

Just know I gave my all

Just know I didn’t finish where I started

And no matter how you read these words

They are words from the broken hearted

silenced

I can think of everything i want to say to you

But come the time and i can not write it

Words unheard, thrown to the curb

Seems my soul has been silenced

Look in my eyes and you’ll see the signs

Promise they will guide you right in

Listen for the skipped beats of my heart

And no doubt you’ll find what I’ve been hiding

In a field full of red roses

I am black and wilted

I’ve been here a while so I hang low but still I try to get your attention

Pick me, I want to scream

But my pride won’t step aside

If you could just look past my missing petals

I swear I’m beautiful deep down inside

No hidden thorns

No buried secrets

Just longing to be grabbed by my roots

Hundreds of hands have touched them

But none of them were you

What do I do

Words have failed me

And words were all that I had left

A silenced soul nourishes nothing

But a love on its last breath

And in those final moments

Still I’ll say all is well

A love lost in words unspoken

Another story I’ll never tell

extra, extra. read all about us

Yesterday’s news happens to be my morning headline

And my room is filled with our helvetica font

Seems an abundance of silence allows for the point to be made quickly

Leaving time for it to be made more than once

And then once more for clarity

Is this where the words go

Reality will finally greet expectation

Whatever the expectation may be

It sits quietly in the corner with no identity

Just happy to finally be here

The bathroom door opens

Here she comes

I giggled softly, how I love memories

The sunlight danced on her face and then disappeared into her eyes

How different one can look when you see them for the first time

At the front door she stood and smiled

Silence still dancing between us

Seems we were still writing our verses

And I was stuck trying to bridge the gap without falling in

Unsure of when I started moving but I ended up in front of her

Words repressed by the pressure of her lips against mine

A hello subdued with a goodbye

The lipstick stain on my lips matched that of which was on my bathroom mirror

Call me later

Two hours have gone by and still I cannot find the words…

it began as a silent love.

Squinted glares and focused sighs

Deciding what bagel to pair with my caramel macchiato is a special type of art 

Same little cafe on the corner, same time of day 

Same eye contact with the girl I’ve never met 

She drinks green tea when it is sunny 

And milk with a little coffee on the days it rains

Our glances of stolen time were always just long enough

Long enough to bring us back each day

How much can you say over a cup of unshared coffee

How many minutes of face observation equal a proper introduction

How does time fly by in your presence

But stand still outside of that little cafe on the corner

Words never left the holster of our tongues

Yet the silence we shared seemed to tell us everything we wanted to know

A silent love is a love that cannot be destroyed with words

There will be no mornings where we wonder if we said all we had to say the night before

Her heart will never be an incomplete sentence

My feelings will never be a mispronunciation 

Our hesitation of spoken words

Will be the topic of all our conversations

We stared a little longer today

Showed more teeth in my smile

Until tomorrow my silent beauty

Thank heaven for this little cafe on the corner